Next time it's first class, baby

I have just returned from a cross-Canada trip, which should have been fantastic right? That's what I originally thought. Visions of lounging in bed until noon, drinking non-alcoholic beverages until the late hour of 9 p.m. and eating sugar free bonbons, popped into my head when I made the arrangements. To my dismay it turns out traveling when pregnant is not all it's "knocked up" to be. As I'm into lists, I have compiled a handy one, as reminder for the next time.

CZ's list of how to max your traveling pleasure (or just get to your destination without tears)

1. Taking a taxi
When booking the taxi, make sure to inquire about the driver. e.g. does he really have his license? Sometimes, taxi drivers seem confused. The sidewalk is NOT for cars and red DOES means stop - ideally, a full stop by actually applying pressure to the breaks
Also it's good to ask the taxi company about seat belts - e.g. does it accommodate a person bigger than the average Italian model?

2. Don't bother with the suitcase
Packing is always difficult. When you are pregnant and in denial concerning your massive girther, this is especially difficult. Wearing your husband's sweats is simply not the solution, nor is borrowing your father's jackets. These are men's clothes and no matter how they've been accessorized - they will always be. I suggest not packing at all and once you arrive, whine to your family about lacking a wardrobe. If you're lucky, they will buy you a new one. (It worked for me.)
In addition, suitcases are HEAVY... no-one cares that you are pregnant, except the aforementioned family. The ticket agent just looked bored when I tried to lift my luggage on the platform. "Oh," she said. "That is almost over the limit.".. at that stage, I had reached mine.

3. Phone the airline
Are airlines are hiring only second-year engineering students to design their crafts? How else can you explain the discrepancy between number of seats and seat capacity? (i.e. there is simply NOT enough room for all those people) Phone the airline and book your flight on a really, really old plane - maybe even a Hercules. I've heard they have a lot of space.

4. Don't ask for cranberry juice
I know the Doc said cranberry juice is good for you and babe, but they don't have it. The attendant will look at you like you're a celeb-wannabe and never come back. I know they have it the section behind the curtain, but don't even try to question why.

5. Don't ever stand in the aisle
First off, the belly doesn't fit and if you do manage to squeeze into the aisle, you certainly won't be able to turn around. Most importantly however, this will encourage the passengers to play the newest game, "Push the Pregnant Person". It's ugly and beyond description.

My advice?
Find a sugar daddy and fly in his personal jet. For me, it's too late, but there may be hope for you dear reader.